FW: Fw: [DB64] FW: When a Soldier Comes Home...must look at this one

WHEN A SOLDIER COMES HOME ...

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard....

...to listen to his son whine about being bored.

....to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.

..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.


...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.


...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.


...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.


...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.



...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.


...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.


...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is t o have a new baby in the house.



The only thing harder than being a Soldier..


Is loving one.

The Story of Four Wives

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Moral :

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

A. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament

FW: 40 Tips for Better Life

40 Tips for Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for at least 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive every one for every thing.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. GOD heals everything.

28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change.

29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . .

30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

32. The best is yet to come.

33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

34. Do the right thing !

35. Call your family often.

36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

37. Each day give something good to others.

38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

TAKE CARE...... LOVE YOURSELF.... ....

Balance Your Life

This is so true. But within the glass balls also, I feel family is most important.
When you die, your in tray will not be empty. In your last moments of life, if you get an opportunity to pause and reflect, you would definitely not regret spending some more time in office, or that you are not a couple of KGs slimmer. But you may wish that you had some more time to spend with your family.

Very often, in the rush and press of life, we often forget to pay attention to that which is the most important to us. We keep giving our time and according priority to issues that are, in the overall perspective, of lesser significance. This is because it is very rarely that we pause to think what is important to us, and what is merely pressing. We keep postponing spending time with our spouses and children, reading to them, playing with them, or going out on that vacation with them. We find reasons, pretexts and excuses for this - sometimes genuine, at other times merely out of force of habit. We take them for granted, and that is why we keep neglecting them.

But in the overall analysis, our endeavour should be to squeeze in as much of shared moments with the people who really matter to us in life. I, for one, will endeavour to do so.

Marine Corps Leadership Secrets Part IV

In this fourth article in my series on applying United States Marine Corps leadership traits and principles to software development team leadership we’ll be looking at the last 4 leadership traits: Endurance, Unselfishness, Loyality, and Judgement.

Endurance

Physical endurance plays a big part in the Marines but mental endurance is also important and that’s what we’ll concentrate on here. Endurance is defined as the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful activity. While you probably won’t be leading any 50 mile forced marches we’ve all heard software development projects referred to as ‘death marches’. Quite often a project can become a stressful mental exercise and, in some cases, a physical one as well as long hours are worked. Your ability to endure this misery will test your team leadership ability.

As a team leader the rest of the team will be looking to you to help get them over the hump on these tough projects. If you slack off, what do you think the rest of the team will do? They’ll follow your lead. If you decide that extra hours or even an all-nighter is needed, you’re the one toughing it out to get the job done, leading by example. I’ve known mid to upper level IT managers who’ve worked through the night and into the next day to fix a problem, helping when and where they could, and I’ve also known some who thought making it to the country club early on a Saturday was more important than being in the office for a weekend release. Can you guess which ones I respected as a leader more?

Unselfishness

It is a Marine tradition that in a chow line the lower ranking Marines are served first, then the squad leaders, then the staff non-commissioned officers. This is unselfish leadership in action. How can you show this kind of unselfish leadership in your role as a team lead?

An unselfish leader doesn’t grab all the perks for themselves. Sure, you’ll get some of these due to your position but you don’t need to flaunt them. One good example would be the computer system you’re using. If you have a top of the line system and the rest of your team is struggling by on poor performing systems, how do you think they’ll feel about that. As tough as it may be to you, make sure that your team is well supplied with the tools they need to do their job before you are. If you shortchange them, they’re likely to return the favor.

Another key area is in giving and taking credit for work. Nobody likes to work for a manager who takes personal credit for someone else’s achievements. You should always recognize the hard work and great ideas of your subordinates both to them and their peers and to your management as well. Not only does this behavior make them look good but it makes you look good as well.

Loyalty

The Marine Corps motto, Semper Fidelis, a Latin phrase meaning ‘Always Faithful’. This phrase embodies the loyalty Marines have to each other up and down the chain of command and even after they leave active duty in the Corps. Loyalty is a two way street and your words and actions should always reflect your loyalty both your team and to your managers. What are some ways you can show loyalty?

One is to back your team when they’re right and tell them they’re wrong when they’re wrong. A poor team lead will tell the team one thing and their management another and thus, show disloyalty to both. Sometimes it takes moral courage to be loyal in a situation. Have the courage to be loyal.

Another opportunity to show loyalty is when you pass on orders to your team, particularly ones that are distasteful. Don’t be disloyal by blaming the person above you for the situation. To do so only weakens your standing with the team. If you can’t change the situation, make the best of it. If it is something you can fight for, do so. Either way, it’s being loyal to your team and organization.

Never criticize your company leadership or your management peers in front of your team and discourage your team from doing the same. Nor should you allow gossip about personal lives be passed around. Stay loyal to your company and to your team by avoiding this trap.

Another way to show loyalty is to help out your team members if they’re having a problem, personal or professional. Hopefully your company isn’t a real world version of a reality show where you get points for throwing team members under the bus when they’re not up to par for some reason. Instead, help them out. By showing your loyalty this way they’ll have greater loyalty toward you, the team, and the company when the situation has past.

Judgement

Our last trait, Judgement, is all about applying the other leadership traits and your experiences to make the best decisions. You should avoid thinking rashly and, instead, think through a situation so that you can make a good decision.

Of course, there will be situations outside your experience. In the best cases, you will have someone else you can rely on to give you the benefit of their experience in your organization. This could even be someone who is technically junior to you within the organization but who has more experience there. If there isn’t anyone available to you, which is not the best of situations, you may have to rely on sources further removed or even a book or article. But, if you need help, seek help. This too is good judgement.

That covers our discussion of the leadership traits. Next in this series we’ll be looking at how to apply these traits. As always, feel free to leave a comment or question if you have one.

Marine Corps Leadership Secrets Part III

In this third article in my series we will continue to take a look at how to apply United States Marine Corps leadership traits and principles to software development team leadership. ( this part I’ll be discussing the leadership traits of Justice, Enthusiasm, and Bearing.

Justice

A sense of justice. What does it mean to you? In the context of this discussion this means fair impartiality, of taking actions that are fair and just to all.

For example, to be just in your day-to-day work, this means that you don’t play favorites. If you always give the best assignments to the same person and the worst assignments to other people on the team, how to you think it would affect team morale? It’s easy to guess that those given the bad assignments would probably not think that highly of your leadership ability and it will impact their attitude and productivity.

Being just also means keeping your emotions and prejudices out of your decisions as much as possible. While this is often company policy when in comes to some groups, such as race or sex, just because a particular type of person isn’t on this protected list doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to treat them unjustly. You should treat all of your subordinates justly. If you don’t like someone on a personal level due to an annoying trait that grates your nerves at an emotional level, don’t take it out on them by assigning them all the grunt work or using them as a pawn for layoffs. Instead, work on getting to know them better or, if you can’t treat them justly, help them find a place within the company where you won’t be their supervisor.

In short, unjust treatment will harm team morale and undermine your leadership while just treatment for all will have the opposite effect.

Enthusiasm

This doesn’t mean that you have to be a rah-rah cheerleader. Software developers typically don’t like phony behavior and such insincere behavior isn’t what you’re looking for here. What you are looking for is showing an interest in the work your team is doing.

Let’s imagine a scenario where a developer on your team wants to show you a new algorithm they’ve developed. Sadly, many a team leader would blow off such a request in favor of other ‘more important’ meetings. This syndrome becomes worse at higher levels where the manager doesn’t have a good feel for the development tools being used and has a tighter schedule. How do you think the enthusiasm level of the developer who’s brushed aside will be afterward? That’s right, not so good. Do this enough and the whole team is in the dumps.

Maintain enthusiasm within your group by being a sincere cheerleader and coach for their efforts. If they’ve worked hard, acknowledge it and applaud their efforts. If they’re struggling, be a mentor and help them find a solution through positive methods.

Also work hard to avoid outside problems from dampening your team’s enthusiasm. While sometimes this is unavoidable, you can do your part by not complaining to them about the direction the company is taking. Try to keep things on a positive note as much as possible in these situations. Doing so enhances your leadership of the team and, at the very least, improves the morale of the team where mutual misery will only weaken it.

Bearing

Everybody knows the look of a squared away Marine in uniform. Movie characters like Jack Webb’s The D.I. or R. Lee Ermey’s Gunny Hartman in Full Metal Jacket or John Wayne in Sands of Iwo Jima have burned in this image. So, do you need to be all spit and polish, tough as nails, cussing and swearing to have bearing as a software development team leader? No, bearing is really deeper than physical appearance, it’s an attitude, a state of mind.

I don’t want to totally discount physical appearance though. If your company has a dress code, live up to it. Being slack in this area will only encourage yourself, and the rest of the team, to be slack in other areas. If you’re lucky and don’t have a formal dress code, consider casual dressing for success. You might be surprised how much a neat look improves your leadership.

But, beyond the physical, what is bearing? It is how you conduct yourself verbally and emotionally. If you rant and rave at your team, you’ve lost your bearing. If you cut down a team member, that’s loss of bearing. If you make a joke out of handing out work assignments, you’ve lost your bearing. If you engage in sarcasm, you will lose it as well. However, if you conduct yourself with dignity, show that you’re more interested in being understood than impressing others, and make yourself approachable, you will develop excellent bearing.

On Leadership - Excellent Article from the net

7 Secrets of Leadership Success

From Paul B. Thornton

Part 1: Top Business Leaders Share Their Best Business Success Advice

Fortune magazine once published an article entitled “The Best Advice I Ever Got.” It was a great article that offered wit and wisdom about achieving business success. I liked it so much, that it motivated me to produce my newest book, Leadership: Best Advice I Ever Got, which describes the best leadership advice 136 successful CEOs, coaches, consultants, professors, managers, executives, presidents, politicians, and religious leaders received that most helped them become effective and successful leaders.

Here are seven secrets to leadership success:

1. Leadership is about making things happen.

If you want to make something happen with your life – in school, in your profession or in your community, do it. Perceived obstacles crumble against persistent desire. John Baldoni, Author, Leadership Communication Consultant and Founder of Baldoni Consulting LLC, shared this advice that had come from his father, a physician. He taught him the value of persistence. At the same time, his mother taught him compassion for others. Therefore, persistence for your cause should not be gained at the expense of others. Another bit of leadership wisdom!

2. Listen and understand the issue, then lead.

Time and time again we have all been told, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason"... or as Stephen Covey said, "Seek to understand, rather than be understood." As a leader, listening first to the issue, then trying to coach, has been the most valuable advice that Cordia Harrington, President and CEO of Tennessee Bun Company has been given.

3. Answer the three questions everyone within your organization wants answers to.

What the people of an organization want from their leader are answers to the following: Where are we going? How are we going to get there? What is my role? Kevin Nolan, President & Chief Executive Officer of Affinity Health Systems, Inc. believes the more clarity that can be added to each of the three questions, the better the result.

4. Master the goals that will allow you to work anywhere in today’s dynamic business world.

Debbe Kennedy, President, CEO and Founder of Global Dialogue Center and Leadership Solutions Companies, and author of Action Dialogues and Breakthrough once shared this piece of advice that was instrumental in shaping her direction, future and achievements.

She was a young manager at IBM just promoted to her first staff assignment in a regional marketing office. For reasons she can’t explain, one of her colleagues named Bookie called her into his office while she was visiting his location. He then began to offer unsolicited advice, but advice that now stays fresh in her mind. He mentioned that jobs, missions, titles and organizations would come and go as business is dynamic - meaning it is always changing. He advised her not to focus your goals toward any of these, but instead learn to master the skills that will allow you to work anywhere.

He was talking about four skills:

• The ability to develop an idea;
• Effectively plan for its implementation;
• Execute second-to-none;
• Achieve superior results time after time.

With this in mind, Kennedy advises readers to seek jobs and opportunities with this in mind. Forget what others do. Work to be known for delivering excellence. It speaks for itself and it opens doors.

More of the best leadership advice ever received by successful people, advice that helped them to become effective, successful leaders:

5. Be curious.

Curiosity is a prerequisite to continuous improvement and even excellence. The person who gave Mary Jean Thornton, Former Executive Vice President & CIO, The Travelers, this advice urged her to study people, processes, and structures. He inspired her to be intellectually curious. He often reminded Thornton that making progress, in part, was based upon thinking. She has learned to apply this notion of intellectual curiosity by thinking about her organization’s future, understanding the present, and knowing and challenging herself to creatively move the people and the organization closer to its vision.

6.

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Listen to both sides of the argument.

The most valuable advice Brian P. Lees, Massachusetts State Senator and Senate Minority Leader, ever received came from his mentor, United States Senator Edward W. Brooke III. He told him to listen to all different kinds of people and ideas. Listening only to those who share your background and opinions can be imprudent. It is important to respect your neighbors’ rights to their own views. Listening to and talking with a variety of people, from professors to police officers, from senior citizens to school children, is essential not only to be a good leader in business, but to also be a valuable member within your community.

7. Prepare, prepare, prepare.

If you fail to prepare, you are preparing to fail. If one has truly prepared and something goes wrong the strength of the rest of what you've prepared for usually makes this something easier to handle without crisis and panic. One of the best pieces of advice Dave Hixson, Men’s Varsity Basketball Coach at Amherst College has ever received and continues to use and pass on is this anonymous quote -“Preparation is the science of winning."

Along with this are two expressions from Rick Pitino's book Success is a Choice, which speaks to preparation. Hixson asks his teams every year: "Do you deserve to win?" and "Have you done the work?" This speaks to the importance of preparation toward achieving your final goal. If you haven't done the work (the preparation) the answer to the second question is an easy "no!"

Great advice comes from many sources – parents, other relatives, consultants, bosses, co-workers, mentors, teachers, coaches, and friends. The important point to remember is to stay open, listen to everyone, but also develop your own leadership style.

Paul B. Thornton is President of Be the Leader Associates and author of seven books on management and leadership. His latest book, Leadership: Best Advice I Ever Got, is available at WingSpan Press, amazon.com, and bn.com.

from http://sbinfocanada.about.com/od/smallbusinesslearning/a/leadershippt.htm

Paul B. Thornton presents more of the best advice for achieving business success that seven top leaders ever received on the next page. Click to continue reading about effective leadership.

Different Perceptions

When I get really exasperated with my children, I read this little piece, and it gives a good perspective to me.

· When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my garden. My kids see flowers for mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.

· When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away. My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile right back.

· When I hear music I love, I know I can’t carry a tune and don’t have much rhythm. So I sit self-consciously and listen. My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don’t know them, they make up their own.

· When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground, laughing.

· When I pray I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My kids say, “Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don’t want to go to heaven yet. I would miss my mommy and daddy.

· When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets. My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross and worms to play with.

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things.

Desiderata

This is my all time favourite. a poem called Desiderata. This also forms the basis of my Mission Statement (which is still under preparation).

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste,

And remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

And listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter.

For always, there will be greater and lesser persons than you.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble

It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you of what virtue there is.

Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love

For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings,

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,

The universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

Whatever you conceive him to be.

And whatever your labours and aspirations

In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.