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Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

FW: Fw: [DB64] FW: When a Soldier Comes Home...must look at this one

WHEN A SOLDIER COMES HOME ...





When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard....

...to listen to his son whine about being bored.

....to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.


..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.


...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.


...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.


...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.


...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.



...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.


...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.


...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is t o have a new baby in the house.



The only thing harder than being a Soldier..


Is loving one.

Monday, 10 November 2008

The Story of Four Wives

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.


He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"



Moral :

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives


A. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament



Thursday, 23 October 2008

FW: 40 Tips for Better Life

40 Tips for Better Life


1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for at least 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did last year.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his / her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others'.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive every one for every thing.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. GOD heals everything.

28. However good or bad a situation is -- it will change.

29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Friends will. Stay in touch. . .

30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

32. The best is yet to come.

33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

34. Do the right thing !

35. Call your family often.

36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

37. Each day give something good to others.

38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.


TAKE CARE...... LOVE YOURSELF.... ....

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Balance Your Life

This is so true. But within the glass balls also, I feel family is most important.
When you die, your in tray will not be empty. In your last moments of life, if you get an opportunity to pause and reflect, you would definitely not regret spending some more time in office, or that you are not a couple of KGs slimmer. But you may wish that you had some more time to spend with your family.

Very often, in the rush and press of life, we often forget to pay attention to that which is the most important to us. We keep giving our time and according priority to issues that are, in the overall perspective, of lesser significance. This is because it is very rarely that we pause to think what is important to us, and what is merely pressing. We keep postponing spending time with our spouses and children, reading to them, playing with them, or going out on that vacation with them. We find reasons, pretexts and excuses for this - sometimes genuine, at other times merely out of force of habit. We take them for granted, and that is why we keep neglecting them.

But in the overall analysis, our endeavour should be to squeeze in as much of shared moments with the people who really matter to us in life. I, for one, will endeavour to do so.

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Some Great Leadership Quotes

Adlai Stevenson:

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

Albert Einstein:

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.

Carl Sagan:

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

Dwight D. Eisenhower:

You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.

Edwin H. Friedman:

Leadership can be thought of as a capacity to define oneself to others in a way that clarifies and expands a vision of the future.

Elizabeth Dole:

What you always do before you make a decision is consult. The best public policy is made when you are listening to people who are going to be impacted. Then, once policy is determined, you call on them to help you sell it.

Eric Hoffer:

In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.

Ernest Becker:

It is not so much that man is a herd animal, said Freud, but that he is a horde animal led by a chief.

Eugene V. Debs:

I never had much faith in leaders. I am willing to be charged with almost anything, rather than to be charged with being a leader. I am suspicious of leaders, and especially of the intellectual variety. Give me the rank and file every day in the week. If you go to the city of Washington, and you examine the pages of the Congressional Directory, you will find that almost all of those corporation lawyers and cowardly politicians, members of Congress, and mis-representatives of the masses -- you will find that almost all of them claim, in glowing terms, that they have risen from the ranks to places of eminence and distinction. I am very glad I cannot make that claim for myself. I would be ashamed to admit that I had risen from the ranks. When I rise it will be with the ranks, and not from the ranks.

Everett Dirksen:

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

Faye Wattleton:

The only safe ship in a storm is leadership.

Faye Wattleton:

Whoever is providing leadership needs to be as fresh and thoughtful and reflective as possible to make the very best fight.

H. Ross Perot:

Inventories can be managed, but people must be led.

Henrik Ibsen:

A community is like a ship; everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.

Herbert B. Swope:

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody.

Isaac Newton:

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants.

James Callaghan:

A leader must have the courage to act against an expert's advice.

James Kouzes and Barry Posner:

There's nothing more demoralizing than a leader who can't clearly articulate why we're doing what we're doing.

James Kouzes and Barry Posner:

[Y]ou must unite your constituents around a common cause and connect with them as human beings.

Jesse Jackson:

Time is neutral and does not change things. With courage and initiative, leaders change things.

John Gardner:

Pity the leader caught between unloving critics and uncritical lovers.

John Gardner:

Most important, leaders can conceive and articulate goals that lift people out of their petty preoccupations and unite them in pursuit of objectives worthy of their best efforts.

John Quincy Adams:

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

Kenneth Blanchard:

The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.

Margaret Chase Smith:

Leadership is not manifested by coercion, even against the resented. Greatness is not manifested by unlimited pragmatism, which places such a high premium on the end justifying any means and any measures.

Margaret J. Wheatley:

When leaders take back power, when they act as heroes and saviors, they end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and deeply stressed.

Mohandas Gandhi:

I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.

Noam Chomsky:

It is the responsibility of intellectuals to speak the truth and expose lies.

Peter Drucker:

What is the managers job? It is to direct the resources and the efforts of the business toward opportunities for economically significant results. This sounds trite -- and it is. But every analysis of actual allocation of resources and efforts in business that I have ever seen or made showed clearly that the bulk of time, work, attention, and money first goes to problems rather than to opportunities, and, secondly, to areas where even extraordinarily successful performance will have minimal impact on results. The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say "I." And that's not because they have trained themselves not to say "I." They don't think "I." They think "we"; they think "team." They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don't sidestep it, but "we" gets the credit. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.

Peter F. Drucker:

Leaders shouldn't attach moral significance to their ideas: Do that, and you can't compromise.

Peter Senge:

Systems thinking is a discipline for seeing wholes. It is a framework for seeing interrelationships rather than things, for seeing patterns of change rather than static "snapshots." It is a set of general principles -- distilled over the course of the twentieth century, spanning fields as diverse as the physical and social sciences, engineering, and management.... During the last thirty years, these tools have been applied to understand a wide range of corporate, urban, regional, economic, political, ecological, and even psychological systems. And systems thinking is a sensibility -- for the subtle interconnectedness that gives living systems their unique character.

Ralph Nader:

I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

Robert Coles:

Abraham Lincoln did not go to Gettysburg having commissioned a poll to find out what would sell in Gettysburg. There were no people with percentages for him, cautioning him about this group or that group or what they found in exit polls a year earlier. When will we have the courage of Lincoln?

Robert Greenleaf:

Good leaders must first become good servants.

Robert Louis Stevenson:

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others.

Rosabeth Moss Kantor:

Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.

Rosabeth Moss Kantor:

Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.

Rosalynn Carter:

A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be.

Rosalynn Carter:

A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go but ought to be.

Stephen Covey:

Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.

Susan B. Anthony:

Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences.

Theodore Hesburgh:

The very essence of leadership is that you have to have a vision.

Tom Peters:

If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.

Tony Blair:

The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.

Unknown:

Some leaders are born women.

Vince Lombardi:

Leaders aren't born they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.

Walter Lippman:

The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on.

Warren Bennis:

The manager asks how and when; the leader asks what and why.

Warren G. Bennis:

The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born -- that there is a genetic factor to leadership. This myth asserts that people simply either have certain charismatic qualities or not. That's nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born.

Winston Churchill:

The price of greatness is responsibility.

Marine Corps Leadership Secrets Part V

Take Responsibility For Your Actions

As the leader of the team you are the one responsible not only for your own performance but that of the team as well. If your team makes a mistake, you are the one who is accountable for it. You don’t pass the blame on to a subordinate. Nobody above or below has much respect for a leader who does this.

You’ve been given the authority to manage the team so exercise it using the traits of judgement, tact, and initiative. Have the moral courage to be loyal to your team and your organization. Ultimately, your goal is to be responsible for success, not failure, so use these leadership traits to bring in a successful project. Even if things don’t always go 100% according to plan, you can still extract a degree of success through good leadership.

Sadly, some organizations may not give you a lot of authority as a team lead. In a situation like that it can be difficult but do your best using what little you have to bring about positive results. That too is good leadership.

Seek Self Improvement

I’ve seen a number of people allow their technical skills to deteriorate as they moved into a lead or management role. This isn’t a good thing. Even worse, they don’t make an effort to improve their leadership and management skills. Don’t be that kind of person. Instead, choose to stay current with your technical skills while improving your project management, general business or other related skills.

Take the time to examine where you’re at to see if you measure up. If you find yourself lacking in any area, seek to improve it. If you honestly think your skills are up to date and strong, seek new areas to learn about. For example, if you know VB.NET well, spend some time learning C# or Java. If you know project management, learn some accounting methods. Just don’t stay static.

Set the Example

A big part of leadership is setting the example. This not only applies to how you do your work but the way you do your work. Which do you think will inspire your team more, coming into work late, half doing tasks and making excuses or arriving on time or early, doing excellent work and taking responsibility? When it comes down too it, setting a strong example does more than any instruction or discipline will ever do.

Ensure That Work is Understood and Completed

A common problem in software development projects is poor communication. If your team doesn’t understand what is to be done, it is likely that what they do won’t be right. As the team leader it is your responsibility to see that the work to be done is understood by all. If there are missing pieces, it’s your job to seek them out from your management or project sponsors. It is also your job to clearly communicate the project goals and timeline to the team. They’re looking to you for this information and if you don’t provide it, you’re almost guaranteeing something will go wrong.

You’re also responsible for seeing that the assigned work is being done correctly and is moving toward completion. However, you don’t want to be a micro-manager. After all, these are supposed to be professionals you’re working with, not ditch diggers. Avoid asking for daily status reports or (shudder) holding daily staff meetings. Instead, use email, source control, and other tools to keep an unobtrusive finger on the pulse of a project. If you note a problem, quietly take it up with that team member in a positive manner. You’ll find this approach puts you in closer touch with the status of a project than any make-work status report ever will.

That’s all for this part. I’ll be wrapping up this series in the next day or so when I go over a few more principles of leadership. If you have any questions or comments about this series, please feel free to leave me a comment.

Marine Corps Leadership Secrets Part III

In this third article in my series we will continue to take a look at how to apply United States Marine Corps leadership traits and principles to software development team leadership. ( this part I’ll be discussing the leadership traits of Justice, Enthusiasm, and Bearing.

Justice

A sense of justice. What does it mean to you? In the context of this discussion this means fair impartiality, of taking actions that are fair and just to all.

For example, to be just in your day-to-day work, this means that you don’t play favorites. If you always give the best assignments to the same person and the worst assignments to other people on the team, how to you think it would affect team morale? It’s easy to guess that those given the bad assignments would probably not think that highly of your leadership ability and it will impact their attitude and productivity.

Being just also means keeping your emotions and prejudices out of your decisions as much as possible. While this is often company policy when in comes to some groups, such as race or sex, just because a particular type of person isn’t on this protected list doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to treat them unjustly. You should treat all of your subordinates justly. If you don’t like someone on a personal level due to an annoying trait that grates your nerves at an emotional level, don’t take it out on them by assigning them all the grunt work or using them as a pawn for layoffs. Instead, work on getting to know them better or, if you can’t treat them justly, help them find a place within the company where you won’t be their supervisor.

In short, unjust treatment will harm team morale and undermine your leadership while just treatment for all will have the opposite effect.

Enthusiasm

This doesn’t mean that you have to be a rah-rah cheerleader. Software developers typically don’t like phony behavior and such insincere behavior isn’t what you’re looking for here. What you are looking for is showing an interest in the work your team is doing.

Let’s imagine a scenario where a developer on your team wants to show you a new algorithm they’ve developed. Sadly, many a team leader would blow off such a request in favor of other ‘more important’ meetings. This syndrome becomes worse at higher levels where the manager doesn’t have a good feel for the development tools being used and has a tighter schedule. How do you think the enthusiasm level of the developer who’s brushed aside will be afterward? That’s right, not so good. Do this enough and the whole team is in the dumps.

Maintain enthusiasm within your group by being a sincere cheerleader and coach for their efforts. If they’ve worked hard, acknowledge it and applaud their efforts. If they’re struggling, be a mentor and help them find a solution through positive methods.

Also work hard to avoid outside problems from dampening your team’s enthusiasm. While sometimes this is unavoidable, you can do your part by not complaining to them about the direction the company is taking. Try to keep things on a positive note as much as possible in these situations. Doing so enhances your leadership of the team and, at the very least, improves the morale of the team where mutual misery will only weaken it.

Bearing

Everybody knows the look of a squared away Marine in uniform. Movie characters like Jack Webb’s The D.I. or R. Lee Ermey’s Gunny Hartman in Full Metal Jacket or John Wayne in Sands of Iwo Jima have burned in this image. So, do you need to be all spit and polish, tough as nails, cussing and swearing to have bearing as a software development team leader? No, bearing is really deeper than physical appearance, it’s an attitude, a state of mind.

I don’t want to totally discount physical appearance though. If your company has a dress code, live up to it. Being slack in this area will only encourage yourself, and the rest of the team, to be slack in other areas. If you’re lucky and don’t have a formal dress code, consider casual dressing for success. You might be surprised how much a neat look improves your leadership.

But, beyond the physical, what is bearing? It is how you conduct yourself verbally and emotionally. If you rant and rave at your team, you’ve lost your bearing. If you cut down a team member, that’s loss of bearing. If you make a joke out of handing out work assignments, you’ve lost your bearing. If you engage in sarcasm, you will lose it as well. However, if you conduct yourself with dignity, show that you’re more interested in being understood than impressing others, and make yourself approachable, you will develop excellent bearing.