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Friday 9 July 2010

The Chain of Commandy

 

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THE CHAIN OF "COMMAND"

THE following was written some years before the war (I found the article on Page 248 of The Naval Review, Vol 2, 1941), and was intended to illustrate a dangerous tendency which the writer thought he detected in the Service at that time. It is obviously not applicable to-day. (Possibly in our case it still is!):


 

SCENE I

Able Seaman: "I don't much care for the marmalade which is served out to us, Sir. If I put in a complaint, do you think that we could have a different sort of marmalade sometimes?"

Divisional Officer: “Some of you men are never satisfied. I have never heard such a frivolous complaint. The marmalade you are getting is excellent and I don't see why you should want anything different. I will mention the matter to the commander, but I have no doubt that he will chew your head off. That will be the end of the matter."

SCENE II

Divisional Officer: "Able Seaman Jones in No. 5 mess, Sir, does not like the marmalade that is issued and wishes to put in a complaint about it."

Commander: “Tell Able Seaman Jones to go to the devil! When first I came to sea there was no such thing as marmalade, and he is very lucky to have any at all. I suppose I had better tell the Captain about it as he is very anxious to have all complaints properly ventilated; but it certainly won't go any further."

SCENE III

Commander: “There is an able seaman in No. 5 mess, Sir, who wishes to put in a complaint about the marmalade. He thinks that what is issued is unsatisfactory and that there ought to be more variety."

Captain: “I will not have these frivolous complaints, Commander. They are an indication of an undisciplined ship. This able seaman should be severely dealt with. However, as I do not like to neglect the smallest thing which can add to the comfort of the men under my command I will report the matter to the Commander-in-Chief; but I am certain it will stop there."

SCENE IV

Commander-in-Chief: "Ah, Captain, about that matter of the marmalade, concerning which you wrote to me, of course my private opinion is that it is all nonsense. The marmalade, as supplied, is excellent, and as good as that which I have on my own table. You must really prevent your men putting forward such childish complaints. However, as I am always anxious to do anything in my power for the benefit of the ships' companies serving under my flag, I have forwarded your letter to the Admiralty, but I have no doubt that it will have short shift when it gets there."

SCENE V

A Sea Lord, studying an Admiralty docket on which three departments have minuted "No objection” and two others have added unhelpful platitudes, telephones to the Commander-in-Chief:-

"About the able seaman in the Non Such who wants better marmalade; of course, privately, I think the whole thing is absurd and the complaint should have been squashed at an early stage. However, just to oblige you, we will forward it to the Treasury to see what they think about it; but I am afraid there is not a hope."

SCENE VI

The Sea Lord's telephone rings and a voice speaks: -

"This is Mr A from the Treasury speaking. With reference to the Admiralty's request for an improved brand of marmalade to be included in the ration for naval ratings; we should have been delighted to have agreed; but most unfortunately the cost has proved to be quite prohibitive. It has been calculated that the increase to the naval estimates will be of the order of £123 4s 5d in the current financial year and £678 9s 10d in an average financial year. We are very sorry, but we are certain that Parliament would never consent to this and there might even be questions in the House about it."

The Sea Lord: "Thank goodness, someone has the guts to say 'No!' "

 

 

 

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